Thursday 6 January 2011

Fishing for Lies

Inspired by my father, who worked in an aquarium in his younger days.

Mr. and Mrs. Davies, newly married, hand in hand with self-satisfied grins on their happy, pampered, full faces walked into Sam's shop. Sam liked to think it was his shop at least, he did most of the work that ever got done in that squalid, damp place.

The shop specilised in exotic fish. Beautiful floating beings that swam with lifeless eyes. Bright, inspiring and soothing colours that belonged to creatures that had long ago lost any real spark. The sour smell of treated, used water smothered every other smell in that tiny shack. Fishing rods, fishing bait, fishing everything hung about the walls and ceiling, cluttering any free space. Even the counter and till were drowning in all the rubbish that was on sale.

Sam spotted his potential customers and smiled to himself. He felt a certain sale coming his way.

'You alright mate?' Mr. Davies said, while Mrs. Davies chirped happily away in the background. Sam nodded and put on his best fake smile.

'Afternoon' he replied, eyeing the pretty, plump lady who was currently distracted by an idly swimming butterfly fish.

'Me and the missus want to buy a fish or two for our exotic aquarium,' Mr. Davies boldly announced, brandishing the word 'aquarium' with flourish. He had no idea what fish was what, but it didn't stop him trying to sound impressive. Mrs. Davies giggled behind him, cooing at some Coy flopped miserably on the floor of his watery prison.

'Well, eh.. I can tell you're after something really special.' Sam made his smile broader, kept his eye on his customer and then moved from behind the counter to a tank that had all manner of foliage and shiny, colourful pebbles. 'Now this fish here,' Sam said pointing to a spot on the aquarium, 'used to be rarer than gold. They're called Carassius Suboculi,' he said grandly, 'you used to only ever see them in the wild.' Mr. Davies screwed his eyes up to stare better at the weaving underwater plants, 'but we here at 'Angle and Bait' discovered a way to make them breed in captivity.'

Mr. Davies peered closer at what Sam pointed to, Mrs. Davies merely yawned, the soothing sounds of water bubbling and flowing were making her sleepy. Sam smiled to himself as he saw Mr. Davies try very hard to see the 'Carassiues Suboculi', this was a sure sale.

'Yeah? How much are they? A packet I bet.' Mr. Davies commented, rubbing his chin at the flashes of movement he saw, these highlighted by the gloom that weaved about the place.

'I can give you a very nice price for them,' Sam informed, always the charitable sales-man, '30 quid a pop.' Mr. Davies 'Oohed' and 'Aahed'.

'I'll take two off you for twenty each' Mr. Davies finally said. Mrs Davies smiled blankly and yawned again, the fish weren't that interesting anymore.

'I'll let you take two for forty-five.' Sam pushed, and to his surprise Mr. Davies nodded and fished out his wallet. Sam smiled politely and ran the bill on the till.

'So what's these, Carasus Supoclusi? What's their common name?' Asked Mr. Davies while Sam dipped in a net into the tank, pulled it out with his hand wriggling along the handle and dipped it into a plastic bag full of water.

'Common name? Invisible Fish. Make sure you feed them plenty of specialist fish food, which you can purchase at this store, and keep the water at exactly 23 degrees, or they die.' Sam informed, all the while smiling at them. Mrs. Davies began to whine at Mr. Davies about something unintelligable, she was getting very bored.

'Alright love, we're nearly done. I'll take some of that specialist food too then mate.' Mr. Davies grandly declared, dipping into his wallet again.

Mr. and Mrs. Davies walked out hand in hand happily, a bag full of water and about £300 of extra fish food, exotic tank supplies and a guide on all things fish. Sam simply waved them out and smiled, slipping  forty-five pounds worth of crisp notes into his pockets.

1 comment:

  1. hahaha! Invisible fish - didn't we have some growing up?!

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